“So shall they fear the name of the LORD from the west, and His glory from the rising of the sun; when the enemy comes in like a flood, the Spirit of the LORD will lift up a standard against him.” (Isaiah 59:19 NKJV)
“So submit to [the authority of] God. resist the devil [stand firm against him] and he will flee from you.” (James 4:7 AMP)
“When the devil had finished tempting Jesus, he left him until the next opportunity came.” Luke 4:13 NLT)
Well, by the Grace of my Daddy I made it through the remainder of 2021 stronger than I could have ever hoped for. Every time sadness crept in, His happiness overpowered it. Each time grief tried to raise its ugly head, the Joy of the Lord took it off at the neck. 23 hours a day I experienced “Kingdom-Natural” freedom from the typical emotions, and struggles, that accompany a season like this (you will notice that I said “23′, not “24”). There is, however, one hour a day where I needed to cling to Daddy, and stay full of the power of His Word – bed time. Sleeping alone night after night was another “first” in my “12 months of firsts.” During that nightly transition from the activities of the day into the rest of the night the enemy would pour it on. He found a crack in the “wall” that Daddy placed around me in the most unexpected place.
Through most of the years spent with Melody I have wrestled with being overweight. One of the by-products of carrying excessive weight is the toll it takes on the joints and feet. Most times by the time I was ready to go to sleep my feet would be aching to the point of keeping me awake. Melody would make the “sacrificial offering” of rubbing out the pain. For many years she did this an an act of love (she really did love me for no good reason at all). What I didn’t realize was that at some point over the final 3 years of her time on this planet things shifted.
I remember one night when Melody was having a serious issue with getting herself calmed down enough to sleep (panic was being created by the uneasiness of her breathing) she started tapping my foot (that was her cue that she was ready to rub it). Feeling bad that she thought she needed to comfort my pain when she was having so much pain of her own, I rolled over and pulled my feet out of her reach. This resulted in her tapping the bed harder to get my attention. I thought to myself, “What a wonderful wife. There is no way I can take advantage of her this way.” Therefore, I told her, “no thank you honey. Let’s just try to go to sleep.” She then pulled off her mask from the non-invasive respirater and said with urgencty in her voice, “Let me rub your foot!” Based on her tone I knew there was something I was missing, so I immediately rolled back over and gave her my foot.
Come to find out, Melody was having a tough time keeping from having a panic attack most nights when she put on her respirater mask and laid down. By rubbing my feet she was distracting herself and the rubbing motion of her hands somehow calmed her until the panic passed. What began as a sacrifice of love from Melody had become a service of comfort from the Lord through me. Knowing that the power of this simple act of love between the two of us had created such a deep bonding experience over the years, the enemy used the absence of this nightly ritual as an entry point into my emotions.
When I would lay down and get snuggled in to sleep, my emotions would go haywire. That is the only time when a “wave of grief” would get through without being replaced by a “wave of joy.” Those who I shared this bed time struggle with gave me great sympothy, and said things that reinforced my accerptance of this as being “normal.” If this was intended to be “normal” then why are there no tears in Heaven? Why no sorrow in the Garden of Eden or the New Jerusalem when God is dwelling among His people here on this planet?
After about 6 weeks of living with appreciation to Daddy for the fact that I was free for 23 hours a day, I almost accepted less than His best. One night, while tears were filling my eyes once again at bed time, I asked Daddy why this was remaining so difficult. He revealed to me what I just shared with you (this was an attack from the enemy through this “crack”). That was all that was needed for me to resist him with the Word (following the example given by Jesus). As promised, he has run in terror from my bed times – 24 hour freedom!
Don’t get me wrong, I still miss the foot rubs (the giver of the rubs much more), but no more nightly tears. Now, while I miss my beloved desperately I do not miss her with sadness, I miss her with the warm glow of wonderful memories of a wonderful woman. Most nights I drift off to sleep with an inner peace. on the nights that are an “exception” I spend a few moments remembering how soothing it was to be with Melody and go to sleep with “warm fuzzies” (I know, TMA).
Good Night. Sweet Dreams…