“As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly.” (Proverbs 26:11 BSB)
“For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ jesus our Lord.” (Romans 6:23 (NKJV)
“The godly may trip seven times, but they will get up again. But one disaster is enough to overthrow the wicked.” (Proverbs 24:16 NLT)
August 11, 2022. This would have been our 38th Wedding Anniversary. As I spoke of yesterday, I became “broken” four weeks ago on what would have been Melody’s 60th birthday. Now I was ready to throw caution to the wind and “just have fun.” All I will say about this day is that it started with me breaking a long term commitment that I made to never bring alcohol or tobacco into my apartment. It ended with me being too drunk to drive home. You would think that a man who had been lovingly labeled by his wife as her “Man of Faith” (remember she was my “Queen of Hope”), and had walked away from this lifestyle in the past, would know better. But no, here we went again.
My Pastor has said on a number of occassions that sin will always take you farther thasn you want to go, keep you longer than you want to stay, and cost you more than you want to pay. I was heading into about four more weeks in which I would fulfill his prophecy. I was now drinking about 5 days a week, smoking a pack of cigarettes a day, and eatimg more than I care to divulge (even though my regained bulges gave testimony). The strangest thing was that this was not done out of pain, grief, sorrow, or a desire to numb any pain. I didn’t have any of that (thank you Daddy). This was clearly a partnership that I unintentionally entered into with my enemy when I accepted his fiery dart on July 12 and acted on it. My flesh went crazy as it listened to the “thorn in the flesh” that Satan assigned to me. Like it was with the Apostle Paul and Job, he was out to steal my ministry, destroy my life, and kill me if he could. I gave him place by yielding to my temptation, and he was making the most of it. Don’t get me wrong, I am not dodging responsibility by echoing Flip Wilson (now I’m showing my age) and claiming, “The devil made me do it!” No, I made my choices, he just helped me carry them out.
About a month into this detour in my life I got a call from my sister asking me if I would pray about taking my brother in to live with me. After a life of alcohol abuse he was now living in a situation in which he needed to be “rescued.” This was a “wake up” call. How could I help anyone? Especially someone who was in desperate need of recovery from the very way that I was currently living. I told her I would pray about it and call her back. As soon as I got off the phone I dumped the bottle in my cupboard down the sink, threw away my pack of cigarettes, and spent some quality time with Daddy. In His typical style, He simply wrapped His arms around my spirit, gave me a heavenly kiss, and said, “Welcome back.”
When I think about the way I was acting I can’t help but remember how two very special people in my life would talk to me after making these type of bad choices. As a kid, when my Dad would catch me doing something wrong he would sit me down and have a “father – son talk.” He wopuld inevitably ask me 3 questions. first, ” Why’d you do it?” Next, Did you enjoy it?” And last, “Are you going to do it again?” Somrthing in his eyes, and voice, would make me squirm every time. As a husband, when Melody “caught” me after doing something stupid she would ask me, “Who are you?” She would wait in piercing silence until I came up with an answer. Then she would say, “You need to figure out who you are and let me know so that I know who I love, and how to pray for him.” Just like my Daddy, my earthly dad, and my wife, knew how to love me to repentance. It was their goodness that changed the way I thought and lived.
As I am writing this it has been 20 weeks since I repented (changed the way I was thinking and acting to think and act in agreement with Daddy’s desire and design for me). During this time my brother moved in with me and is on the road to recovery. I have relaunched this daily blog (refiretoinspire.com), my daily YouTube video series (Refire & Inspire with Eric), and published 2 books on Amazon (Refire and Inspire: Eric’s Life Lessons Volumes 1 and 2). With Daddy’s help I have started once again focusing on my fitness, and in the last 14 days have lost 17 pounds. I am living proof that a “righteous man” (Jesus made me righteousness – it’s a gift) may fall 7 times (in my case 7 thousand and 1) but always gets up.
I have one more “first” that I want to share…